My parents

You know they are the ones

who keep me living

because only they would

grieve for me to the point of death.

No person should have to

suffer the loss of a child

even though I haven't

seen youth for quite awhile.  

I tried to align myself

with others who would love me --

but their love was only a gain

a joke -- for them -- no bargain

for me, so when winter comes

I walk alone in the cold

crying because it hurt so much

I could not stop it.

They are only there as much

as their feebleness allows.

I want them to be like they were

when their hair was dark

their backs were straight

and their hands were steady.

I want them to have full and complete

memory of me.  Only they know my beginning.

 

The lady at the bank

said she is just praying to die--

How well I understand this!

Mom and dad are the only anchor

that hold me fast to earth.

And even though the tether is long,

long enough for a whole country

I always manage to come home.

Right now the pain is so strong

that I want to be gone.

I want to know if the promised land

is true, and real and beautiful

and forever. I want to know if

I am young again, and slender

with long flowing hair

riding big horses under the stars.

If they were gone I would fly free.

But they are the darlings of my heart

and they are the rock to which I am moored,

the calm to my driving storm

 the meal on the longest night,

the extra blanket on the bed

and the chocolate cake for desert.

 

I am the lost ship, so far out

I cannot see the beacon.

Somehow I manage to get to the shore

but it isn't long before I am thrust out

into the deepest of wave again.

The rolling turmoil of my soul

more violent than the increasing tide.

 

Don't worry momma. For as long

as you live and breathe I will

stand beside you. You bathed me

and clothed me. I will do the same for you.

In this vast world, end to end invisible

you are the root, the place on which I stand.

But when the earthquake finally comes

I will be carried out in the tsunami.

 

The world is far too big to be alone in.

Honestly, do I really ask for much?
I don't need a spectacular life.

Just one that isn't frantic

or on the edge of disaster

again - and again - and again.

My ship is crumbling from

the increasing strength of the storm.

 If I am going to be left

old, destitute, cold

and alone, please promise

one thing, that I die

before the worst of it comes

and when I die, please send

one to hold my hand for as long as it takes

to let me slip into eternity.